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Wetsuit

by Leah Dunn

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1.
Disneyland 02:55
Now, I’m standing in a line How? I paid a hundred forty-nine A man in black pulls me aside I open my bag, don’t got nothing to hide I got No alcohol No tobacco No weed No amphetamines No No No guns No No No guns I have been a horrible father this year Thank god my kids love it here Toys are priced more than they’re worth But it’s the happiest fucking place on Earth It’s got No alcohol No tobacco No weed No amphetamines No No No guns No No No guns Over next to Mickey Mouse Someone’s wife is freaking out Her first class family lost their spot Because the Make-A-Wish kid’s allowed to cut Too bad there’s No alcohol No tobacco No weed No amphetamines No No No No guns No No No No guns Let’s bring Kimmy and all of our friends Don’t forget Winnie while we’re running ahead Tommy won’t mind, his Mommy’s not home Don’t get caught for “I told you so” Because there’s No alcohol No tobacco No weed No amphetamines No No No guns No alcohol No tobacco No weed No amphetamines No No No guns No No No guns No No No guns No No No guns
2.
My mom thinks you’re selling drugs, but I think you’re cool Maybe we should form a club, meet up after school I can tell from the start, I know how this will end And even if you’re using me, it’s nice to pretend We know what we’re doing We know We can see a movie that we don’t understand And I’ll forget to mention I hate your favorite band But we can find somewhere in between I’ll take a little bit of you and change a bit of me Because we know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know And don’t hold it against me, but I like when you smoke And I’ll follow you patiently into the cold You call me a coward because I don’t like breaking rules Well go say it louder, Mr. Scared of Swimming Pools We know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh And you sleep through all your yesterdays and wake up worse A twisted form of therapy to put yourself first Tomorrow’s a promise you make to throw away With phone calls full of, “I don’t know.”s and nothing to say We know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know what we’re doing We know Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
3.
Wetsuit 02:17
Supermarket Safeway smile Scotty Green will ride his bike And then he writes off the miles Not because it’s his job Not because it’s his job It’s some sort of tax requirement I think it’s got something to do with the environment Yoga lessons She teaches on Wednesdays Tracy Green is a vegetarian I think she likes it that way Not because it’s her job Although it, it might help her job People take yoga very seriously And it might help if their teacher doesn’t eat meat Mango smoothies Strawberry moon Julia Green works for REI And she sold me my wetsuit She says she loves her job She only loves her dog But she’s going far, yeah, she’s still a student She’s seen the world, yeah, she’s going through it
4.
Weightless 03:20
I’m ripping out my skin like a splintering tree I’m hanging upside down from a rosary Don’t hold your breath, I’m safe I swear I promise I’ll come back when I'm out of air I’m fading from my eyes like a smoking flame I settle like dirt beneath the fucking rain Don’t hold your breath, I’m alright you see I promise you I only wanted to be Weightless. I wish I was Weightless. And now I just Weigh less. I guess I should Wait this out. I’m filling up my mouth like it’s negative space I’m washing it down like my worst mistake Don’t hold your breath, I’m safe I swear I promise I’ll come back when my bones are bare I’m sheltering the light like a clouded dawn I’m starving myself out like a beat up dog Don’t hold your breath, I’m alright you see I promise you I only wanted to be Weightless. I wish I was Weightless. And now I just Weigh less. Oh I guess I should Wait this out. Ooh ooh I don't know her name Ooh ooh She's staking her claims Ooh ooh And raking the game Ooh ooh And passing the blame Ooh ooh She’s riding my heels Ooh ooh And saying she’s real Ooh ooh And making me feel Weightless. I wish I was Weightless. And now I just Weigh less. Oh I guess I should Wait this ... Weightless. I wish I was Weightless. And now I just Weigh less. Oh I guess I should Wait this out.
5.
Bath 05:03
I woke up to the sound of soap I left the sink running yesterday The scent of spring weaving false hope Of keeping time at bay Then I headed to the big room with the books To find the one I lost yesterday I was all alone, the librarian was giving me a look But I found it under a chair and went on my way I had eight minutes to spare I should eat because I forgot last night Walked outside and there was water everywhere People swimming in the light Upstream in the crowd I picked the wrong shoes to wear Slipped on the ice and I fell down Could hear my mother saying, “Life's not fair.” Life’s not fair I need to take a bath I need to take a I opened the door to the room My shirt dripped down on the table I could smell that rich girl’s perfume She makes me want to swallow a staple I punched a hole in the wall Three months ago Today I punched a yoga ball That’s progress if I say so I met my friend for coffee She showed up twelve minutes late We didn't feel like talking We sat in the silence we made Then I asked, "How was your morning?" She turned to ask about mine I tried to lie and say it was boring But I collapsed on the table and I cried Yes I cried I need to take a bath I need to take a bath I need to take a bath I need to take a Went back out in the water Different shoes on my feet I thought about my father And how I'll see him in a week I was doing chores for my older brother He likes to walk all over me Like I’m a carpet or a mattress cover Is it sad, sometimes I agree And am I a bitch if he deserved it? It’s not like murder, murder is a crime Downward slope, now I’ve rehearsed this At least I didn’t fall this time I never mean to control my lover Or anyone else that I trust It’s our own flaws that we discover In the people staring back at us
6.
ReJoyce 02:15
Radiance of ghost fire shine Whisper and unclose my eyes Twining violet youth along With years of lonely wasted sun Sleeping on the blue vein trail Moon rise up to lift my veil Trembling gray and gentle shame Form a shield of brooding rain Tender as the greenwood eve Kindle Lillies next to me Winter’s shadow moving fair Through aching wind and silver air Descending on the field of stone Bathe my hair in deep seafoam Standing reeds and cedar tree Spin a web of ancient leaves Radiance of ghost fire shine Whisper and unclose my eyes Twining violet youth along With years of lonely wasted sun
7.
I caught you at the baseball game You wore your hat the backwards way I held a hotdog in my hand You stood still waiting at the stand Soda cans and plastic wrap between us Cheering fans, American flags, deceive us And I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry,” unless I have to I don’t want to say, “I love you,” unless it’s to you I caught you at the bar too late You wore your shoes the untied way I held a dishrag in my hand You stood still calling for a cab District zones and traffic cones between us Empty homes and dial tones deceive us And I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry,” unless I have to I don’t want to say, “I love you,” unless it’s to you Remember when we sat with our legs crossed on top of my bed I didn’t know the card game, so you taught me how to shuffle the deck I looked at you. You looked up to the pink stars I glued to the wall Then we said our first goodbye behind the orange U-Haul Orange U-Haul Orange U-Haul Aren’t you all Aren't you all I need I caught you at the airport gate You wore your shirt the tucked in way I held my husband by the hand You stood still staring at the man Address tags on carry on bags between us Joint bank plans and wedding bands deceive us And I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry,” unless I have to And I don’t want to say, “I love you,” unless it’s to you I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry,” unless I have to I don’t want to say, “I love you,” unless it’s to you
8.
Hotel 04:08
Every war has its own hotel And every car has road to kill We went out walking after cease fire For late night dinner and caviar We left our apartment with those refugees Carrying dynamite as their keys We told our daughters to watch the screens With the plastic remote stuck on channel three What more could I ask for What more could I ask for What more could I ask for What more could I ask for But their names Every war has its own motel And every whore has a lover who fell After “I’ll see you soon!” and a pawn shop ring But purple hearts don’t speak of such things We went to Jaffa for orange gold Kids were playing soccer with a throwing stone We finally crossed the Green Line We were paving over neighbors to the other side What more could I ask for What more could I ask for What more could I ask for What more could I ask for But their names But their names
9.
Justified 03:21
We went running with no destination After the burned-out rubber fell in love with the pavement And the dust followed our feet When we decided to run from the earth And the blood on our neighbor’s streets Reminded us of our worth And they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? Yes, they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? We went flying above the hundred and fourth floor After the tumbling windows called the name of who we did this for And the smoke blinded our eyes When we denied to see what we’d done And the bombs that torched our skin Counted down from three two one And they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? Yes, they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? No. We were doing what our fathers told us to Set our lives on fire to hear, “I’m proud of you.” No. We were doing what our mothers told us to Cutting out our hearts to be pure for you. For you And they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? Yes, they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? And they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? Yes, they asked, “Is it justified?” Do you believe it is justified? And I would say a prayer but I’ve forgotten how These holy words can’t save us now
10.
Fourth Grade 03:55
My father called me yesterday He likes to keep me up to date I daydream while he’s talking to me He said, “Kids are getting hit by trains.” I was thinking of the summer rain I might have ADHD I see my hands reflect and I forget that I belong to them It feels like I’m watching TV I know that it’s a side effect Of overthinking what I said but it’s too hard to just let it be Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh My room smells like peppermint I think that I imagined it Someone come and knock me out, please Remember when I learned to drive God, I'm so lucky I’m alive I need to be reminded to breathe My friends wait up for me when It’s harder getting out of bed Even when they’ve got somewhere to be If I’m sad, then Ben will yell, “Fuck you! You should love yourself!” Somehow he gets a smile out of me Because life's been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day Life’s been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day Life’s been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day Life’s been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day Life’s been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day Life’s been moving fast since fourth grade And I've been moving slow since that day
11.
Map 03:50
We picked bouquets of wild poppies for the law Yosemite burning and painting what we saw The same river that dragged me down, pushed you to shore Ran all along the coast just to see you once more There is no map to you There is no map to you Aurora borealis our compass in the sky Breathe in the smoke and warm your dying lungs inside He came around, you packed your bags, and left your home Ran off the road to find heaven of your own There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you But I will find you along the missing trail And force you out of your twisted fairy tale And pull the pins that mark your paper towns I know you hide, but you’re asking to be found There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you There is no map to you
12.
Seventeen, and it feels the same Sometimes I dream that I miss the last train Aching head. sweat still breaking in Over again. Scrubbing down my skin Because I’m so afraid that I'm wasting, I’m wasting my time You said, “We’re all afraid that we’re wasting, we’re wasting our time.” I said, “Hey you! In the yellow t-shirt Why don’t you stick around?” Red balloons. Summers on the lawn Living rooms. Daybreak with my dog Hazy light. Mixing in the salt And I recite, “I know it’s not my fault.” Because I’m so afraid that I'm wasting, I’m wasting my time You said, “We’re all afraid that we’re wasting, we’re wasting our time.” I said, “Hey you! In the yellow t-shirt Why don’t you stick around?” And I’ll face it all tomorrow I said that yesterday And I’ll face it all tomorrow I said that yesterday And I’ll face it all tomorrow I said that yesterday And I’ll face it all tomorrow I said that yesterday Because I’m so afraid that I'm wasting, I’m wasting my time You said, “We’re all afraid that we’re wasting, we’re wasting our time.” I said, “Hey you! In the yellow t-shirt Why don’t you stick around?” And some nights I dream But most nights I fall asleep And some nights I dream But most nights I fall asleep And some nights I dream But most nights I fall asleep And some nights I dream But most nights I fall asleep
13.
Bath 05:03
I woke up to the sound of soap I left the sink running yesterday The scent of spring weaving false hope Of keeping time at bay Then I headed to the big room with the books To find the one I lost yesterday I was all alone, the librarian was giving me a look But I found it under a chair and went on my way I had eight minutes to spare I should eat because I forgot last night Walked outside and there was water everywhere People swimming in the light Upstream in the crowd I picked the wrong shoes to wear Slipped on the ice and I fell down Could hear my mother saying, “Life's not fair.” Life’s not fair I need to take a bath I need to take a I opened the door to the room My shirt dripped down on the table I could smell that rich girl’s perfume She makes me want to swallow a staple I punched a hole in the wall Three months ago Today I punched a yoga ball That’s progress if I say so I met my friend for coffee She showed up twelve minutes late We didn't feel like talking We sat in the silence we made Then I asked, "How was your morning?" She turned to ask about mine I tried to lie and say it was boring But I collapsed on the table and I cried Yes I cried I need to take a bath I need to take a bath I need to take a bath I need to take a Went back out in the water Different shoes on my feet I thought about my father And how I'll see him in a week I was doing chores for my older brother He likes to walk all over me Like I’m a carpet or a mattress cover Is it sad, sometimes I agree And am I a bitch if he deserved it? It’s not like murder, murder is a crime Downward slope, now I’ve rehearsed this At least I didn’t fall this time I never mean to control my lover Or anyone else that I trust It’s our own flaws that we discover In the people staring back at us.

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released June 26, 2020

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Leah Dunn Belmont, California

Leah Dunn released a song every month of 2022 to create the Calendar Collection.

Leah is currently studying at NYU's Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music.

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